Unconditional Love

By: John Powell

Unless you give your word and your promise of fidelity to another, there can be no real trust and consequently no authentic relationship or secure framework in which two people can grow.

A meaningful life can result only from the experience of love, and this implies a commitment and dedication to another. Love rejects the question “What am I getting out of this?” as the only criterion of fulfillment. Love understands by direct experience those often-quoted words of Francis of Assisi: “It is in giving that we receive”.

Love takes time, demands a history of giving and receiving, laughing and crying, living and dying

Clinging dependency and jealous possessiveness are counterfeits of true love.

“Do your own thing!” – I cannot do my thing without somehow affecting you.

For a person to be is to-be-with-thers.

When I question myself about the place love has in my life, I must therefore ask if there is any person in my life whose growth and happiness is a s real or more real to me than my own If so, love has truly entered my life.

Obviously the commitment to love will involve me in much careful and active listening. I truly want to be whatever you need me to be, I want to say whatever will promote your happiness, security and well-being. To discover your needs, I must be attentive, caring and open both to what you say and to what you cannot say. However, the final decision about the “loving thing” must be mine.

I may read you wrongly on occasion and misjudge your needs. I have done this so often to so many in the past. But know this that my decision is to love you and my commitment is to your true and lasting happiness. I am dedicated to your growth and fulfillment as a person. IF I SHOULD FAIL YOU, FOR LACK OF WISDOM OR BECAUSE OF THE ABUNDANCE OF WEAKNESS IN ME, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, TRY TO RECOGNIZE MY INTENTION, AND KNOW THAT I WILL TRY TO DO BETTER.

I am only offering an exchange, not a gift. And true love must always be a free gift.

Unconditional love corresponds to one of the deepest longings, not only of the child, but of every human being; on the other hand, to be loved because of one’s merit, because one deserves it, always leaves doubt; maybe I did not please the person whom I want to love me, maybe this, or that – there is always a fear that love could disappear. Furthermore, “deserved” love easily leaves a bitter feeling that one is not loved for oneself, that is loved only because one pleases, that one is, in the last analysis, not loved at all but used. (Erich, Fromm, The Art of Loving)

The message of unconditional love: You can be whoever you are, express all your thoughts and feelings with absolute confidence. You do not have to be fearful that love will be taken away. You will not be punished for your openness of honesty. There is no admission price to my love, no rental fees or installment payments to be made. There may be days when disagreements and disturbing emotions may come between us. There may be times when psychological or physical miles may lie between us. But I have given you the word of my commitment. I have set my life on a course. I will not go back on my word to you. So feel free to be yourself, to tell one of your negative and positive reactions, of your warm and cold feelings. I cannot always predict my reactions or guarantee my strength, but one thing I do know and I do want you to know: I will not reject you! I am committed to your growth and happiness. I will always love.

What do we fear in the promise of Unconditional Love”

There will be days when the well of warm feelings will run dry, when the decision of fidelity will be tested. There will be long and gray days when the rewards of loving will seem like distant memories of faint hopes.
I fear that I will have to give up my individual interests and personal tastes “ A love relationship should be like two islands that remain separate and distinct, but whose shores are washed by the shared waters of love.”